June 2172 – June 2173

Loretta’s baby was aborted three weeks later, and James chose not to tell her that it was a boy. The less opportunity she had to dwell on the situation the better.

For several months Loretta retreated into a silent void which even Ian could not pull her out of. She would spend all of her recreation time locked in her cabin, and whenever she emerged for meals her eyes were deep set, tired and bleak. It seemed that nothing the men did could bring her back into the group.

They maintained their distance, yet kept a close eye on her. They knew she needed to be alone, but in a confined crew environment there was a fine line between privacy and alienation.

Ian knew it had gone too far when, on one occasion she was late for her shift. He gave her a grace period of an hour before he climbed down Service Tunnel B, walked round to her cabin and found her lying unconscious on her cabin bed, having cut herself many times with a sharp instrument.

Her upper arms and thighs were covered in lacerations.

The wounds however, were not deep or life threatening, and she survived her self-induced injuries.

There was a marked turn-around in her state of mind on the occasion of a secret meeting between Frank, Ian and James, soon after the incident in the rec room.

‘According to my records, and the medical database,’ said James as he glanced across at the other two men, ‘ninety-eight percent of women who have abortions have no regrets and would make the same decision again if the situation arose.’

‘James, that’s hardly the same. Those statistics were generated on Earth,’ said Ian.

‘It makes no difference whether we’re in space or not. The woman is still the same. Loretta’s brain isn’t operating any differently just because we’re in space.’

‘I disagree James,’ added Ian.

‘How dare you talk about me like I’m some kind of robot.’

Their heads turned. Loretta stood at the door to the rec room. She looked drawn and weary, as though she had foregone sleep for a considerable time.

‘Loretta, I thought you were asleep-‘

She ignored him and spoke sharply, ‘Let me tell you what’s going on inside my head, as I can’t expect you three to work it out.’

She took a couple of steps further into the room. Cradling her arms over her chest she moved over to the view-port and stared out for a moment, seemingly constructing the words to put her point across.

‘I’ve spent my life working in the military and with the Space Foundation. You all know that. I’ve worked very hard to get to where I am, and it’s been difficult for me. I managed though; I managed to elevate myself through the ranks to this-‘ she pointed out of the view-port, ‘to here, in a relatively short space of time. I’m at the peak of my career now. Being on the Daedalus is the most incredible achievement anyone could wish for. I have reached my goal. At least as far as my career is concerned, but-’

She took a deep breath and continued, ‘Like so many other woman who spent the early part of their lives pursuing a career, eventually there comes a time where nature takes it’s course and we have a desire to mother a child. It’s built into us. I believe that women who continue their lives without children are suppressing that urge within themselves. Suppressing that part of nature.’

‘Loretta you don’t need to explain-‘

‘Yes I do Frank. I want to put this matter to rest so that we can get on with this mission. You must realise that I wanted that child. Now that I have reached a pinnacle in my professional life I wanted to-‘

She was close to tears. Ian stood and put his arm around her. She buried her face into his chest and wept.

James and Frank stood quietly and left the room. Ian raised a hand and stroked her sandy coloured hair ever so softly.

‘We’re here Loretta. We’re here.’

A few weeks later it became evident to the men that Loretta had overcome the emotions that were getting her down. She began to re-approach the group, getting involved in crew activities. She would indulge in conversation more and join in the games they would play and the movies they would watch, and she was accepted in a new way. Not just as a fellow crewmember, but as a human being who was in pain, and needed help in an extreme situation.

Frank could see the crew becoming increasingly close as a result of the whole ordeal, although there was always a slight animosity between James and Ian, which was evident to Frank, but which they always kept hidden from Loretta.

It seemed the two men had an understanding, albeit not a completely amicable one.